The Aberdare Leader

Services for Sunday Next. Bethany Congregational Churek. JUBILEE ROAD, ABERAMAN. SPECIAL SERVICE TO YOUNG PEOPLE Next Sunday Evening 6 o'clock, REV. d. T. RHYS. TABERNACLE Cong. Church Aberdare. Services at 11 and 6. School at 2.30. Preacher, Revs M. Jones, M.A., (pastor.) HIGHLAND Place Unitarian Church JLI- Aberdare. Services: Morning 11. Evening 6, Sunday School at 2.30, Preacher, Rev. M. Evans, Pastor. -=:

Obituary. MR. W. J. MORGAN, PENRHIW- CEIBER. We regret to announce the death, at a comparatively early age, after an illness 'Of twelve months' duration, borne with great patience, of Mr. William John Morgan, oldest son of Mr. and Mrs. Dd. Morgan, of 5, Harris-terra.ce, Penrhiw- leeiber, which took place on Thursday last. Deceased's family is one of the old- est in the; parish of Llanwonno. Mr. Dlltvid Morgan, his father, is better known as "David Morgan, Penrhiw- caradoc," and is the son of the late Mr. ^rm. Morgan. The family are highly re- spected in the neighbourhood. The de- ceased was most affable and kindly dis- I posed. He was quite resigned towards the- end, and passed away peacefully. The funeral took place, on Monday for Moun- tain Ash Cemetery, and was, largely at- tended. The cortege left the house at 3 o'clock, and a service was held at St. Winifred's Parish Church, whither the body was conveyed previous to being J taken to Mountain Ash Cemetery. The chief mourners were Mr and Mrs. D. Morgan (parents), Messrs. E., D. Rees, Bertie, and Richard Morgan brothers), Mr. Rees Morgan (uncle), Mr. and Mrs. Styley, uncle and aunt; Mr. and Mrs. Styley, Mr. James Styley, Air. E. Morgan, Nelson; Mrs. Jane Walters, -Nelson j Mr. J. Morgan Howells, Rev. R. Howells, Mr. D. Howells, Mr. P. John- son (cousins), Mrs. Snow (aunt), Miss S. Morgan (aunt), also, many relatives from Penrhiwceiber, Treherbert, Dduallt, C*»iaman, Troedyrhiw, Trebarris, Ynys- YbWl, and Cilfynydd. The Rev. D. Morgan, curate of St. ;inireü's Parish Church, officiated. he funeral arrangements were carried out by Mr. Frank Mills. The following 'Were bearers:—Mr. John Duglan, Mr. Thomas i Twigg, Mr. Daniel Davies, Mr. .Is. T. James. Amongst those whn attend- ed were the following:—Mr. E. Bevan, Lee Hotel; Mr. R. B. George, Park Hotel; Mr. J. Bees, New Inn Hotel, Mountain Ash; Mr. David Davies, fore- man smith; Mr. D. Davies, lampman; Mr. T. Davies, rope-smith; Mr. T. Pring, junr., Messrs. M. L. James, J. Lawrence, John Powis, John Jones, Geo. Pett, W. A. Morgan, J. Clements, Philip Davies, C. Johns, G. Brian, A. Gibbon, Tom Gibbon, Thomas Gibbon, C. Hud- son, Geo. Hall, A. Newman, T. Harris, J. 'Cookesly, T. Griffiths, Enoch. Jones, G. Harp, Eees Price, W. Coates, Geo. Wake. ly, John Squanoe, W. Squance, B. Grif- fiths, John Davies (Cilfynydd), U. Marsh, R. Howells, H. Owen, D. Bryant, John SqUtallee, R,. Keaton, J. Evans, Mr. and Mrs. E. Rowlands, Mr. and Mrs. J. Ire- laud, Mr. and Mrs. W. Nicholas, Mr. W. .J. Evans, Messrs F. G. A. Walkely, Mr. and Mrs. Gibbon, Mr. and Mrs. Newman.

Death of NIP. Richard Richards, Miskin. On Sunday last, after three1 days' ill- ]ylr Richard Richards was removed from amongst us. Mr. Richards, was born 52 years ago at Cwmbach, Aber- Clare, was a. son of the late Wm. Richards, a member of the GLyngwyn family, oi.a °f the oldest and best known in the dis- trict. When our subject was 9 years old, his Parents removed to Mountain Ash, and here be became a .pupil at. the Duffryn Schools where, the. late Mr T. G. Howling Was master. He showed great aptitude 111 learning, and in the year 1868 cap- tured a prize of < £ 1 Is., and a certificate, ^hich. the late Lord Aberdare (then Mr. Henry Austin Brace) offered for the most proficient pupil in the school. Shortly after he was* appointed Pupil teacher, which post he relin- quished after a few years, and beanie an employee at Messrs. Navigation Colliery. He was soon singled out for promotion, and be- came a weigher, and had the reputation £ f being the smartest weigher in the dis- trict. Then he went to the offices as "clerk, and was later appointed private secretary to the late Mr Pritchard, man- ger, iuu{ remained in that capacity with •his successors, the late Mr. James Davies and Mr. W. S. Davies, the present man- ager. Gn the retirement of Mr. E. Morgan about. 18 months ago, he was appointed cashier and head clerk of Messrs. Nixoiis Yollierieg which post he held until his death. He was a. very capable man in many di- lections. He was an expert shorthand Writer, and held the unique position of J^ing the first qualified teacher in tie town, having certificated as far back as 1°7.7- He was a. musician of no mean ability, and at one time held the post of £ onduetor at the Bhos and the Newtown branch, and also at Nazareth. He adja- Oicated on many occasions at local eis teddfodau, and was considered a fine musical critic. He was elected on the Pontypridd J^oard of Guardians in 1895, and was Chairman of the Llanwonno Belief Com- mittee. He was successful in getting a station for relief at Penrhiweeiber. He was hon. treasurer to the Miskin leading Room since its establishment, was presented with an illuminated ^ddress and marble clock in recognition -oi valuable services rendered. For many years he was local secretary to the South Wales and Monmouthshire Miners' Provident Fund, a position which he filled with great credit and efficiency. Ever ready to further a good cause, his guidance and assistance in committees, etc., for charitable purposes will be long missed. He leaves a wife and nine chil- dren to mourn their loss. The funeral—a public one—will take place on Friday.

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY. Take Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets All Chemists refund the money if it faih. E. W. Grove's name on each box. is, lid,

lo3 Lata for Oiissifisaiion. WANTED at Aberdare Isolation IF v Hospital. Cook General, wages Y,16, and Laundry Women to assist generally, wage II; X14. Rations and Washing for both, Apply with referen- ces to THOS. PHILLtPS, Clerk, Town Hall, Aberdare. WANTED immediately, unfurnished apartments for unmarried couple.— Apply X. y. Leader Office.

Calfaria Young People's Society. A social and entertainment in connec- tion with the above was held on Wednes- day last at Calf aria Hall, Aberdare. At the tea, the following ladies presided at the tables:—Misses Bessie Lloyd, M. A. Roderick, Maggie Roderick, Annie M. J ones, Elizabeth Evans, Mary P s§e«, Bessie Rees, M. R. Evans, El. Marsden, G. A. Morgan, Polly Morgan, S. A. Evans, and Phoebe Williams. Cutters:, Mrs. Greening, Mrs. Lloyd, Mrs. T. Jones, Mrs Roderick, and Mrs. Thomas. The following programme was gone through: -R.eading poetry, Mr. David Richards; opening song, Mr. Daniel Griffiths. Song by Miss M. A. Roderick, accompanied on violins by Messrs. D. J. Morris and R. S. Eivans. Dialogue by Mr. R. H. Seorey, Misses Morgan and Evans. Gramaphone selections, Mr. Dd. J. Evans. Recitation, Mr. Dd. Michael. Reading, Mr. Gwilym M. Thomas. Vi) lin solo, Mr Steve Evans. SoL Miss Bessie Roos. Duet, Messrs. David Evans and Daniel Griffiths. Mr. Rd. Morris said he had never spent a more enjoyable evening. The proceedings closed, by the rendering by Mc. David Eva us of "}I'n Wiad fy N'ha I a o."

Air Rifle Club. ABERAMAN v. CAPCOCH. This league match was played at the Prince of Wales, Aberaman, on Monday evening last, the home team winning by 17 points. Scores:— Prince of Wales. Thos. Davies 4 4 5 3 4 4 4-28 W. Clayton 5 5 4 4 5 4 4-31 A. Howells 4 4 4 4 4 3 5-28 J. Howells 4 3 5 4 5 3 3-27 E. Prioo 5 3 4 4 4 5 5-30 H. Mosford 4 5 4 5 4 5 4-31 L. Jones 5 3 4 2 5 4 3-26 J. Jones 4 4 3 4 3 5 3-26 A. D. James 4 4 4 5 5 4 4-30 W. Lewis 4 4 4 3 4 3 3-25 J. Brvn 4 3 5 5 4 4 4—29 D. Lewis ,4 4 4 5' 5 4 4—30 Total 341 Capcoch. T. Davies 4 4 5 5 4 3 3-28 D. Jenkins 3 4 3 5 4 4 5-28 J. Thomas. 4 4 3 3 4 5 2-25 J. Davies 4 5 4 4 3 4 3-27 J. Bennett 4 5 4 4 4 4 3-28 S. Davies 4 4 4 4 4 4 4-28 E. Binding 3 4 4 3 2 2 3-21 W. Card 4 5 4 4 4 4 -29 D. Jones 5 3 4 5 3 4 5—29 R. Davies 4 4 2 .4 4 3 5-26 W. Davies 3 4 4 4 4 4 5—28 F. Bishop 3 3 5 4 5 3 4-27 Total 324

Cwmbach. LECTURE.—On Monday evening last the Rev. Hugh Hughes, the 'eminent Wesleyan preacher, delivered a lecture at Bethania Baptist Church upon the sub- ject "The present age: its defects and superiorities." The Rev. R. Roberts, C.M. minister, presided. The lecturer first dealt with the defects of the age, and spoke of the disastrous results of the "hustling" policy upon the health and general constitution of the people of this country. Another evil was, the abnormal amount of stress laid upon pleasure and the enjoyment of games, to the detriment of true culture of the mind. He also re- ferred to the introduction of the "Con- tinental Sabbath" into this country, which had a very powerful influence in depraving the morals of the people. Also in spite of the increased enlightenment of the age, there was not a corresponding increase in the good behaviour and gen- eral character of the people. Coming to the superiorities, he said that one great blessing of the twentieth century was that the benefits of technical instruction could be adapted to the needs of' com- merce in every-day life, and that in agri- culture and mining, particularly, the people interested could obtain a theoreti- cal as. well as practical knowledge -of their work. lIe was also glad to pro- claim that the present age possessed greater ambitions and higher ideals than its predecessors, and the manner in which the advocates of labour evinced an interest in their own welfare, showed that there was an awakening in the demo- cratic .and social life of the people. Above all, however, he noticed that religion wa,s taking a deeper hold within the people, as was manifested to a. certain extent by the religious revival of 1904-'05. This was, after all, the chief secret of a nation's success. Every member of the audience followed the lecturer closely and interestedly, and at the end a vote of thanks was accorded him on the pro- position of the Rev. P-. Roberts, seconded by the Rev. Joseph James (B.), and sup- ported by the Rev. D. M. Davies (C.) The proceeds of the lecture were in aid of a blind young lad residing at Timothy- row, Cwmbach.

Aberdare. OBITUARY.—Mr. G. H. Richards, 3, Maindy-place, passed away on Monday after a brief illness, at the age of 61. Ile was a quiet, unassuming gentleman, and greatly esteemed by all who knew him. Mr. Richards leaves a. widow, two daugh- ters, and four sons to. mourn the loss of a loving husband and kind father. The family are the objects of profound sym- pathy.

PRINTING of every description neatly and promptly executed at the "Leader" Office, Market-street, Aberdare, at most moderate prices.

Aberdare Police Court. TUESDAY.—Before Sir rr. Marchant Williams, Messrs. G. George and D. W. Jones and Dr. Jones. LICENSING. David Jones applied for the transfer of the license of the Lamb Inn, Hirwain, from W. Jenkins to himself.—Granted. On the application of Mr. D. Richards the license ef the Stag Inn, Trecynon, was granted to Lewis Howells. UNJUST WEIGHTS AND MEASURES. Henry Addis was charged with selling coal under weight.—Inspector Wilson said he saw defendant in charge of a ve- hicle containing coal. He had a number of bags short of the proper weight. Asked how he accounted for the shortage, de- fendant said he had used heavy bays in weighing the coal.—Addis said it was done in error.—Fined a niminal fine of 10s. and costs. C. Leek was summoned for having false weights, and also an unstamped weight in his possession.—Fined 20s. and costs for each offence. Wm. Jones, Trecynon, was summoned for having in his possession two un- stamped measures. — Inspector Wilson stated that defendant was hawking oil. He had two unstamped tin measures in his possession.—Defendant said he had purchased the business only the day be- fore, and had taken possession of every- thing, thinking "that the measures and weights were accurate. Defendant was discharged. TRANSFER, Mr. Williams, Pontypridd, applied for the transfer of the Cresselly Inn, Moun- tain Ash, from Mrs. Emily Phillips to J. T. Wheeler.—Granted. A PROUD FATHER. Margaret J. Davies summoned Eli Miles to Ishow cause, etc. Defendant did not appear. Complainant said she gave birth" to a child, of whom Miles was the father. He had paid her some money towards the child. P.C. Richards stated that on the 19th of this month defendant came to the police station in the company of the oom. pleinant and her baby. He drew the witness' attention to the fine baby, cf which he was the proud father, and there and then paid down 10s. Stipendiary: Was he sober? P.C. Richards Not quite. Stipendiary: I thought so. 3s ad. a week with costs. THE ABERAMAN INSTITUTE AGAIN William Kedward, Wm. Brown Jones, Wm. Chas. Morris, Richard Everitt, Ed. Ingram, J. Paul, Sydney Stephens, Geo. A Vater, Arthur Andrews, Jas. Phillips, John W. White, Robert Vater, G. Grif fiths, Geo. B. Harries, Geo. Wyatt, Aneu- rin Powell, James Hancock, Wm. H. Radcliffe, John Thomas, and T. R. Ed- wards, all members of the Aberaman Silver Band Institute, were charged with having sold liquor without being duly licensed. Mr. T. J. Hughes, for the prosecution. held that the club was a bogus club, and that therefore the sale of liquor was ille- gal. Mr. Hughes repeated in detail the charges which he had brought against the club at a previus trial, at which the club had been struck off the register. He held that the fact that the club had been struck off the register did not absolve the promoters from future liability. If these men were exempted in that man- ner, they would go and sin again with impunity. Therefore he would ask that the present defendants—who formed the committee of the club—be mulcted in a substantial though not a vindictive pen- alty. He asked for a conviction in order to get at those who were "behind the throne," those who aided and abetted the club. He asked for it for the sake of the families of those unfortunate men who were prosecuted that day. If the club were merely struck off the register, then the promoters could open another club next door. Mr. W. Thomas (for the defence) said that he did not gather from the decision of the Bench at the previous trial that the club was regarded as a bogus club. Most of the men who appeared before the Bench that day were working men, and many of them had but newly been nomin- a.ted. The greater part of the proceeds of the club went towards the mainten- ance of the hand. Many of the men were stranger's to the district, and had come there in order to join the band. If the men had done anything wrong, it had been done in error. Mr. Hughes asked the Bench to inflict a penalty which would not be nominal, or the whole point and pith of the prosecu- tion would be lost. Mr. Thomas held that it would not be prosecution but persecution if these men would be punished for the offence of others. The Stipendiary said that it was evi- dent that the men had been led astray. It was important that men should not be led astray in the future by such institu- tions, which assumed to teach music, whereas they were only drinking dens. Having regard to what Mr. Thomas had pleaded on behalf of the men, and having' regard to the fact that it was. the first case under the new Act, the Bench would inflict a. nominal penalty of 2s. 6d. and costs on each man. Mr. Thomas consented to withdraw the appeal which he had entered on behalf of his clients. Mr. Hughes asked the Bench to allow him an advocate's fee. He did not think th9 county should be in the loss of that. Stipendiary: Oh, the county is rich enough. The Bench allowed a 5 guineas fee. DRUNK. George Huntley, in Mountain Ash, and Ellen Barridge, in Merthyr, 10s. and costs each. WANDERING HORSES. David Evans, Rhigos-road, Hirwain, was fined 2s. and costs for allowing his two horses to stray. LOVE-INTOXICATED. Wm. Harries, while in his cups, was, according to the constable's evidence, knocking violently at a door in Goose- berry Hill, Aberaman, and otherwise be. having in a disorderly manner.—"I was expecting my lady love," was his excuse to the Bench.—"But it is the custom to tap the window, not the door, is it not ?" queried Sir Marchant.—"But I did not knock at the door," was defendant's re- tort.—"Oh, people in love don't know what they are doing. 10s. and costs," was the Stipendiary's rejoinder.

Cwmdara. OBITUARY.—We regret to record the death of Mrs. Margaret Thomas, wife of Mr. Thomas Thomas., of 93, Bwllfa-road, which occurred early this week, after a long 'and painful illness. Deceased, who was nearly 60 years of age, was a, faith- ful adherent of Elim Chapel, where Mr. Thomas was one of the deacons. She leaves a husband and one son to mourn their loss.

Penderyn. TEA PARTY .-On Thursday last a tea party was given to the children at- 'tending the Parish Church Sunday School,at St. Cynog's Hall. A good mus- ter turned up, and did justice to the good things provided. In addition to the tea, buns, oranges, and sweets were given to the children as they left for home. Miss Jenkins, The Rectory, and Mrs. Emily Lewis, Pontplanea, presided at the tables. After the tea was over a magic lantern entertainment was gipen by the Rector (Rev. LI. Jenkins), the views con- sisting of the "Life of Joseph," "Fire Brigade," "Christmas at the Work- house," "John Gilpin," etc. There were also a number of movable slides, some of a humorous character, which greatly interested and amused the children. A very happy and enjoyable evening was brought to a close by the singing of the "National Anthem." The promoters wish to tender their sincere thanks to Mrs. Jones, Penyreithin; Mrs. Mathews, Tanybryn, for subscribing towards the treat, and to Mr. and Mrs. Bray, Brecon Arms, for the sweets.

I.L.P. and W,W.P. Mr. W. W. Price has discovered abuse and slander in the introductory portion of the report of the Rev. Cynog Williams' speech in last week's issue, but he does not point out what was abusive or slan- derous. It is not incumbent on me to defend the Rev. Cynog Williams, for he is well able to defend himself. What the "Leader" complained of was that the I.L.P. were disseminating a falsehood when the truth was fully known to them. Mr. Price is candid enough to confess that he did not see the "Leader" for Dec. 15th (containing: Mr. Williams' accept- ance of the challenge) because it was then printed by Non-Union labour! He may or may not have read it himself, but he cannot deny that he knew of its &p- pearance. Therefore, why was he party to spreading a statement that the Rev. Cynog' Williams had not taken any notice of the challenge, when the latter had ac- cepted it through the public Press, and had caused his secretary to see him (Mr. W. W. Price) personally P It is unnecessary here to refer to the childishness of refusing to recognise the "Leader" because, of a dispute between the proprietors and the employees. In another column Mr Bibbings himself deals the secretary a gentle but well- merited rebuke for such puerile conduct. Can anyone imagine Mr. Keir Hardie ig- noring a statement because it appeared in "The Times," which is about the only London daily printed by non-union labour ? There are one or two points that need clearing up. In less than an hour after the Rev. Cynog Williams delivered his sermon on December 2nd, the Aberdare Branch of the I.L.P. met, and at once threw out a challenge wiinout even look- ing round the room to see if they had a suitable champion. One would have naturally come to the conclusion, seeing their great haste and anxiety for a, de- bate, that they would not stand on cere- mony, and insist upon Mr. Williams re- plying! by post accepting the challenge, but that they would "jump" at this ac- ceptance, through whatever channel it reached them. It should also be borne in mind that Mr. W.W.P. was seen personally by Mr. Price, the secretary of the Mill-street Society. The, latter's version of the in- terview is that Mr W. W. Price told him it was unnecessary to write, inasmuch as he had been informed by word of mouth that the challenge was accepted. THE ONE WHO WROTE THE REPORT.

'"J"¡"if ,c.. ivY Abercynon Notes. (By Basinian.") It has occurred to me most forcibly that if the respected members of the Mountain Ash District Council were fully cognisant, of the lamentable state of affairs connected with the Cemetery at Abercynon they would readily throw in their influence in securing a better ap- proach to the above burial-ground, also a suitable place to perform tha burial service, and Lastly some kind of a shelter for the grave-diggers in their employ. The cemetery is situated o-ii a high ele- vation, and exposed to terrific gusts of wind and rain, and the biting cold. May I suggest that one approach to the Ceme- tery should start from Plantation-ter- race, thence to the summit above Mr. Webb's Quarry, and that a similar ap- proach be nndø from above the quarter- mile bridge, Pontcvnon. I venture to predict that the respected councillors will receive the sincerest gra- titude of the ratepayers in their respec- tive wards (especially in Abercynon), and will be returned at the forthcoming elec- tion with large bumping majorities.

Mountain Ash BETHANIA.—At the weekly meeting of the M.I.S. on Friday, "Poetry v. Music" was the subject under discussion. The merits of the muse were put forward in glowing epithets by the well-known bard, Gwyrosydd, while the equally well- known musician, fr. T. Glyndwr Rich- ards, lavished praises on the Goddess of Music. 'Several members took part in the discussion, and the merits of both were so equally displayed, that we would state in the wcrds of Dryden to St. Cecilia, "Let old Timotlieus yield the prize, Or both divide the crowd, He rose a mortal to the skies, She drew an angel down." I.L.P.-At the Workmen's Institute on Wednesday, Comrade J. T. Thatcher read a paper on "Health." Councillor J. W. Charles occupied the chair. Mr. Thatcher dealt with the subject in a masterly manner, and conveyed a great deal of useful information to his aud- ience. Several Comrades addressed the meeting, and complimented the reader on his excellent paper. Other matters of importance were discussed, amongst which was the forthcoming visit of Mr. Keir Hardie, M.P., on Friday, February 8th.

I WIT OF THE WEEK (From Punch.) We are sorry to have to record a grave set- back to Humour. President Roosevelt's order making Comic Spelling compulsory has been re- voked. Much interest continues to be taken in the im- pending House Match between the Commons and the Lords. A woman suffragist has christened her b11.by boy Franchise." The news has not been broken yet to the unfortunate child. Now that it has been proved that flying- machines are practicable, the various omnibus companies are already thinking of titles for their new lines. We understand that among those which have already been decided on are The Boomerang," "The Castle in the Air," "The Rocket," and" The Bird of Pre;the last- named being of course for a line of Pirates. Rumour is again busy with the promised Ap- pearance of a motor-'bus which is to be so quiet that you will not know that there is one on the road until you have been run over. Motto for a Suffragette: "11 ne faut pas etre belle pour suffrager." Scene-The hall of a country house. Guests arriving for dinner.—Perkins (the extra man who is had in to help at most dinners given in the neighbourhood—confidentially but audibly): Good-evening, Miss Waters. There's some of that nice pudding 'ere to-night, what last time you took twice of MATINS. Aroused. I hear the milkman's cry, The postman's rat-tat-tat, And know the morning's letters lie In heaps upon the mat. I "Nay. blankets," murmur I, are best. And dawn has scarcely shone. An earthquake shall not mar my rest; I mean to slumber on." The Cynic labels life a sham," A "dream" the lover's bliss; The Dryasdust finds germe in jam, And poison in a kiss. In vain Awake! the factions scream, And hurl me books to con; If life's a cheat, and love a dream, I mean to slumber on! (From Picle-Me-Up.) WATS AND MEANS.—Physician's Wife: "I shall soon be wanting a new evening dress, dear."— Physician: "All right, my dear: I'll look over my list and find some fellow who can afford an operation for appendicitis." THE PSIVILEGES OF WEALTH.—The Waiter T "I can recommend that wine list, sir. We've got some very old wines in our cellar."—The Lady: Oh, we don't want any old stuff. We're rich enough to have the newest you've got." A FINE DISTINCTION.—The Politician (speak- ing with some warmth): No. sir—a thousand times no! I didn't sell myself. They bought me." TOOT-TOOT. The tout ensemble of that orchestra is remarkably good," remarked Mr. Newrich's host at a box-party. Don't you think so?"—"You bet it is!" responded Ir. New- rich. enthusiastically; I like to watch the feller that's playin' it slide it back and fcrtb--looks as if he was swaUerin' it! FEMININE AMENITIES.—Aurelia: "How many proposals did you have last summer, dear?"— Jessie: "Sixteen, dear."—Aurelia: "What a terribly persistent fellow that Tommy Noodles must be! PROOF.-L,lt,tle Boy: "You needn't worry 3,boufc sister and Mr. Poorchaop. She doesn't are a snap about him."—Mother (much re- lieved): "How did you learn that?"—Little Bov: When they are in the parlour alone, she won't even let him have a chair to himself." ALL.—Mrs. Oidgirl: "Don't you think, dear, the baby gets its good looks from me? "-Mr. Oldboy: "I guess so; and it seems to have got a.bout all you had." (From Judy.) London's Latest Tube: The one you travel by, as a rule. 'Tis gone! The merry season's past, The merry rout is ended; Around. wherever look we cast, Are signs of ruin blended. Mamma's in bed. The kitchen joys Are turned to revolutions; The baby's broken all his toys, And Pa his resolutions. First Briton: "Good-morning. Shocking morning, isn't it? "—Second Briton: "So they tell me." SOME SUITABLE CHEISTMAS BOXES. For a Professional Chaperone.—A match box. For a Messenger.—A scent box. For a Pompous OfficiaL-A Jack-in-the-box- For an Advertising Agent.—A puff box. For a Clever Detective.—A pounce box. For an Amateur Pugilist.—A private box. For a Financier.—A money box. For an Enemy.—A make-up box. For a Sportsman.—A shooting box. For a Lawyer.—A deed box. For a Chemist.—A pill box. For a Suffragette.-A ballot box. "That's a bad cough you've got! "—"Yes, it is."—"But haven't you seen a doctor?"—"Eh? Several. I passed one only the other day."— "For insurance purposes, I suppose [ No; quite accidentally." Midnight melody for the defaulting tenant in arrears with his rent: Where shil I mistle to now? The gentleman wh^ >od is drink will no longer need to give In iar order: Alf a pint, miss, and draw it please, becos I'm hungry." An Amtric nf succeeded in pro- ducing beer in plugs like hvco, and all one has to do is to buy a plug and chew a bit off. Christmas Mails: Postmen. (From Illustrated Bits.) MAKING THE MOST OF His LUCJL-Shorhm: "Why are you in such a hurry to get home to- day? It's rather unusual for you, isn't it?"- Longun: "Well, yes, it is. But you see my wife's gone out to tea this afternoon." Footman (looking at the piano during family's absence): "But, I say, Mademoiselle Victorine, how do you manage to keep the keys so nice and white? "—Maid What about m8.åame's lotion for the teeth? You don't suppose I let that waste, do you? Elderleigh: There are two things a man never forgets."—De Young: What are they? —Elderleigh: "His first love affair and his first shave." Farmer: I understand there's a fine fat pig for sale here; can I see it? "—Boy (calling out): Father, someone wants to see .vou! Cook: "I should think you find this a great change from South Africa, Tommy?"—Atkins: Oh! I don't know, dear. I'm still well looked after by a good general.' Ella. (referring to the play): "It is certainly grand, isn't it? "—Bella (admiring the leading lady's costume): "It certainly is." I wonder if she had it made in Paris? Daughter: I think you are altogether too outspoken in your criticism of my husband's actions."—Father: "Yes; it's not always wise to call a spade a spade."—Daughter: No; nor a rake a rake! Governess: Name the wisest man who ever lived."—Little Maud: Solomon."—Governess: Correct. Name. the wisest woman."—Little Maud (after meditation): Well, if I say you, ma will get angry; and if I say ma, you will." (From Sketchy Bits.) THE REAL DRIVING ForCE. It is love that makes the world go round, you know Per- haps; but it is money that keeps the axle greased! JUST WHEN THE TRAIN WAS DUE.—"Do you consider kissing dangerous, Cousin Jack?"— Most certainly! See how often it brings on marriage! PROOF POSITIVE.—" How do you know she was at home, Tom? Did you see her "No; but she wouldn't see r-- NOT ENGAGED.— *.<. Mother (in want of a nursemaid): "\V as t: v in your last place very fond of you?"- a at: "'E must 'aye been, mum—4 v &s- horful when I let 'im! "-Youn. Motlr-: What made you leave him? "—Applicant: a soldier friend in 'Ide Pawk, mum, an' Jef the bloomin' kid on a seat, an' clean forgot 'im! "I hear he owes much to his mother "— I YesjJjut he ow^s more to his tailor I

WISE AND OTHERWISE. Judge: Are. you guilty or not guilty? De- fendant: "How do I know? Ask my lawyer." "Has your brother any bad habits?" "Only one." Which is? that of boasting that he has no bad habits." There's a man who has done a lot toward raising up the human race." "A great states- man? he is a lift attendant." Mr. Boreum: "I'm afraid I have made my first call too long? Miss Pert (glancing at the clock): Oh. no, it wasn't really so long; it only seemed to be." Passenger: "Why don't you shout out the names of the stations more clearly?" Railway Porter: "Because I don't get the wages of a hopera singer." Mrs. Benham: "You and I are one. aren't we?" Benham "I believe so, but I can't make them see it that way at the theatre. I have to buy two seats." "Do you believe in luck 7" "Sometimes. See that stout woman, with the red hat, over there?" "Yes." "Twenty-two years ago she refused to irarry me." You're dreadfully untidy again, Mary! I don't know what the baker will think of you when he comes." The baker don't matter, 'm. The milkman's bin Franklin: "I hear that you have hired a chauffeur to run your machine." Penn: "Yes, I thought that if I swore it would set a bad example for the children." Motorist (engaging chauffeur): And are you sure you know the road well?" Chauffeur: "Certainly, sir. I know every repair shop be- tween London and Carlisle." "I suppose," said Miss Angular, "you would hardly believe me to be thirty-two years old? "Oh, yes," replied Mr. Biffingham "I would have believed it ten years ago." Mistress (severely): If such a thing occurs again, Jane, I shall have to get another ser- vant." Jane: I wish ver would-there's easily enough work for two of us." "Are you sure you love me for myself alone?" asked the romantic young woman. "Well," replied the practical young man, "I don't think I love you for anyone else." "I love her! cried the magnetic youth. "I tell you, I love her! That is enough for me." Precisely replied the mother. But are you sure, Richard, you'll both be able to manage on it? Stubb: My wife said if I allowed her more spending money she wouldn't be so cross." Penn: Have you noticed any change in her?" Stubb: "Yes, but there's none in my pocket- book." He: Do you think it would be foolish of me to marry a woman who was mv intellectual in- ferior? She I don't know that. it would be foolish; but it would be a difficult, thing for you to do." Old Friend Well, good-bye, George. You've really got a very nice little place here." Host; Yes, but it's rather bare just now. I hope the trees will be twice as high before you come again, old "man." The Man: "I'd give anything if you would kiss me." The Maid: "But the scientists say that kisses breed disease." The Man: Oh, never mind that. Go ahead, and make me an invalid for life.' Mrs. Sharply: Next time you call I want you to give me your opinion of my new dog." Mr. Bore: Delighted, I'm sure. When do you expect it?" Mrs. Sharply; "Oh, not for three months at least." Domestic: "There's a gentleman who wants to see you on business." Master: "Well, aek him to take a chair." Domestic: He's taking 'em all. and the table, too. He comes from the furniture shop." "Am I to understand, then," asked a disap- pointed poet as the editor handed back his latest productions. that you do not like my verses "Yes; I don't think much-" "Ah, you don't think I see—that explains it! Teacher: "How many bones have you in your body?" Tommy: "Two hundred and eight." Teacher: Wrong. The human body has only two hundred and seven." Tommy: "But I swallowed a fish bone this morning." Would-be Purchaser: "These cigars are smaller than usual." Tobacconist: "Yes, you see the cigar manufacturer noticed that the last inch of the cigars is always thrown away, so ho makes them now that much shorter." Mabel: "Blanche, are you going to aooept Mr. Oldboy?" Blanche: "Yes, I think so." Mabel: But he's three times as old as you are." Blanche: "But he does harmonise so beautifully with my antique furniture." Mr&. Wildman I can tell you this, Mr. Wild- man, if you continue in your present life of extravagance you'll surely pay for it some day." Mr. Wildman: "I wish, my dear, that ILV creditors had the same faith in my good intentions." A gentleman, after eating a good dinner, said to the waiter: "I am sorry I can't give you a tip, but I find, only just enough money to pry your bill." The waiter seized the bill hurriedly. Just let me add it up again, sir," he muttered. "What are you crying about, Johnny?" "I got licked twice to-day." How was that?" "Teacher caned me, an' I tofd dad, an' dad went up to thrash the teacher, an' the teacher licked dad, an' dad came home an' walloped. me." Darling," she sighed, as they listened to the band, how I wish you owned a yacht, and would place it at my disposal." "The beet I can offer," he replied, is a little smack." And the 5Old that followed was like the boom of a 4*7 gun. "Well, it's this way," said the sportsman. the man who can go out hunting day after day and not care whether he gets anything or not has the right stuff in him." "Yes," remarked Sinnickson, "especially when he's hunting lor work, eh? They are making cart-wheels of paper now." remarked Mrs. T., as she looked up from her newspaper. "Yes," replied her husband, "ami locomotives, too." You don't say so?" "Cer- tainly Have you never heard of stationary engines? Johnny," queried the teacher of the new pupil, "do you know your alphabet' "Yes'm," answered Johnny. "Well, then." continued the teacher, what letter comes aft A?" All the rest of them." was the trium- phant reply. "Well," said Cadley, scornfully, Ill-,b,t you. didn't do the proposing. It's a safe bet tbai your wife asked you to marry her." No," re- plied Henpeck, "you're wrong." "Oh, cone le, now, be honest! No, she didn't ask me, she told me to." I hope you try to push business, John, even after office hours," said a coal-dealer to lis clerk. "I do, sir," replied John. "I call up, a different friend every night and never lea ve till late, and see that, they have a big fire goir.;j all the time." The history lesson was in progress. HOY many wars," asked the teacher, "did Engla, -i fight with Spain?" "Six," was the reply. "Six?" said the teacher. "Enumerate the. please." "One. two, three, four, five, six," an- swered the pupil. Maud: I have just received an offer of m-, riage which came by post this morning. He s::d that his love for me was very great, but that 1 is income was small." Marie: What a pity! Who was it from?" Maud: "I really didn't notice; that was enough." It's so hard to ca-, Good-night- remarked an infatuated young man at the front. door. I can't find it in my heart to say Good-night'' I simply "Look here, young man," inter- rupted the girl's father, if you wait a litm longer you'll be able to say Good-mommg This ends it said she, coldly. All is ore r between us. I'll thank you to return my letters." Very well," he replied, I'll send them to you by district messenger the first thing in t i., morning." "Oh! there's no particular hurry. You can bring them when you call to-morre '• -evening." Form Master (sarcastically, to Jones. who 1 been reproved by the Head for making a rt caricature of one of the masters): Well. Jor;, and what did the headmaster say to your fur picture?" Jones (with dignity): "He said. that nobody but the lowest of the low would c. it funny He had come on her dozing by the firesid and when she wcke up she accused him of skie ing a kiss. "Well." he said. "I will admit ti the temptation was too strong to be resisted. { j did steal one little kiss." "One!" she or- I claimed, indignantly. I counted eight before I I woke uiJ • I